Nothing says 'I love you' like a slap in the face
by MackayFire
Summary: TVSHOW BASED. Chuck/Blair drama and humour. Is there any other kind? Just a short one shot about their tumultous relationship. A little swearing and physical violence-naughty Blair . Please R&R!


_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N: This is just a one shot I had to write in between my main story. Hope you like it! Please review :)**_

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He was an ass. He totally deserved it. She was glad she picked an empty corridor to do it because the sound of her manicured hand making contact with his smug little face was more satisfying than sex with him. Okay not quite, but almost. It made a wonderful echoing noise that transferred the smugness from his reddening face to hers.

"Ouch! Fuck!"

Blair didn't realise how appropriate it was until then that _Chuck_ rhymed with _fuck_. After all, names were an important part of defining yourself and for Chuck the second most important was fucking. Either fucking Blair or some random, or fucking with her head. He also happened to be an amoral fuck. It all knitted together perfectly.

"Hurts huh? Good, how about I slap the other cheek and make the redness symmetrical?"

"No thanks you _psycho_."

She had been called a lot of things in her short eighteen years but psycho had never been one of them. Psychosis implied irrationality but there was nothing illogical about attacking the asshole in front of her. It was a deliberate reaction to a his previous action. Newton said it first after all and she was pretty sure he wasn't a whack job. If Chuck actually paid any attention in psychics instead of ogling Mrs Tippering's breasts he might have avoided this physical pain.

Eleanor Waldorf interrupted the teenager's glowering contest which was probably a good thing considering it would either end in hair pulling or nudity with some hair pulling.

"Are you two okay? I heard noises. Are you not enjoying the party?"

The party in question was Eleanor's birthday celebration at which the crème de la crème of the upper east side were all in attendance. This of course included the Archibalds and unfortunately the Basses.

"No it's wonderful mother I just wanted a quick word with Chuck."

They both smiled innocently at her despite the blossoming mark on Chuck's cheek.

"Okay well don't be long, the speeches are about to start."

Both teenagers nodded and grinned politely which convinced her to leave them alone.

"Is it that time of the month Waldorf?"

"Excuse me?"

She was coming dangerously close to lashing out again.

"Well you ask me to 'talk' which I assumed meant the horizontal mambo in one of the bedrooms and instead I get physically assaulted and _not_ in the way I like."

"Let me think, sleeping with Cindy Yorke I think deserves a little not-so-fun physical contact don't you?"

"Did I miss something? Are we suddenly dating? Have you dropped the charade of dating Archibald and taken up with me?"

Blair gritted her teeth, in all her recent fury she had forgotten she wasn't completely blameless. Not that she wanted to admit it.

"No."

"Exactly, so what right do you have to judge who I 'dance' with?"

"A big right when I happen to be one them!"

"What so I'm supposed to be a monk all the days when your not in my bed? I don't have a problem being your secret booty call but even booty calls have freedom to dine elsewhere."

Blair ran a hand through her curly hair in exasperation while Chuck simply leant against the wall casually as if nothing was wrong.

"It could have at least been someone I didn't hate or know! She flaunted it in my face like ten minutes ago as if you were some sort of catch!"

"Should I be flattered your jealous or insulted that you considering me slumming it? Oh the choices, if they weren't both so scandalous I might be hurt."

"You can't be hurt, that requires actually human feelings above your waist."

"So did you consult your human feelings when stringing hapless Nate along?"

Okay that was a fair point, which only made Blair angrier.

"That's none of your business!"

"Okay you have to work out why everything is your business and nothing is mine. I can smell the hypocrisy coming off you stronger than your _Christian Dior_."

"You are so-! So!"

"Sexy, smart, wise?"

What could she say? She had broken up with Nate after he had treated her like shit only to secretly sleep with his best friend. If that wasn't bad enough she soon realised she missed the picture perfect couple she was once part of and the status that came with it so she got back with Nate. Of course she _did_ care about Nate, she merely saw Chuck as revenge for his past indiscretions. Only she couldn't stop getting revenge, she had to have vengeance more times a week than she made love to her boyfriend. It was so classless she knew but Chuck was this weird drug she couldn't deny herself. Suddenly everything he did was both sexy and annoying whereas everything Nate did was 'nice'. She was dating the nice guy and fulfilling both their families wishes but she also happened to be screwing the screw up along the way. She kept telling herself she'd end it but here they were, Chuck as cool as always and Blair riled up because the screw up screwed someone who wasn't her.

"You're nothing to me okay?"

Chuck shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever you say, can I go back to the crab cakes now?"

She stomped her heeled foot against the marble floor in frustration.

"Why are you such an asshole?"

"Why are you such a selfish, delusional bitch?"

He didn't like the arrangement between them anymore, not only did he feel guilty around his best friend but the stringless sex no longer appeared to be so stringless when he was being slapped about for nothing.

To his surprise Blair started laughing.

"We are the worst people in the world. We are either the biggest train wreck since Britney and K-Fed or we're perfect for each other."

She didn't know why she said that out loud, even admitting remotely affectionate feelings towards him seemed a bad idea.

"In an attempt to detach myself from being compared to 'K-Fed' I'm going to say we are perfect."

Blair looked up at him hopefully through her eyelashes, why was she hopeful? She wouldn't date him anyway, it would be the biggest scandal since Serena returned.

"Really?"

Chuck knew where he stood, he wasn't boyfriend material for anyone, especially not Blair with her insane expectations. It didn't mean he wouldn't want to try it out but he knew Blair, she was terrified of not being who people wanted her to be. Better to salvage some dignity and have her hate him than end up the reject that put his heart on the line.

"Yep we are perfect in bed, perfect for lying to ourselves and each other and generally perfect for making everyone miserable when we feel like it."

Blair rolled her eyes.

"How romantic Bass."

Disappointment curled around all her anger and smothered it, the fight was gone.

"You didn't come to me for romance Waldorf lets be realistic. Go back to your prince and continue the fairytale."

Blair wanted to cry and she wasn't sure why, she knew she wanted to be with him and she was sure he knew it too. He was giving her an out, an easy escape to go back to pretending she could be the perfect daughter. She might have been the most flawed person she knew but she could convince other people she had everything which mattered more. Only Chuck truly saw her.

"Okay well enjoy the crab cakes."

Blair held her head high and walked past him back into the bustle of the party and the music of the string quartet. Everyone smiled admiringly at her, their little princess putting on her show. She hated herself at that moment and somehow Chuck seemed noble. He was a fuck up but he didn't hide it. Why couldn't she just do the same?"

"Darling you really look delightful tonight!"

Her mother gave her a proud smile before embracing her and showing her off to friends.

_That's why._

Two martinis later and she could barely understand what Nate was gushing about over dinner. Something about sports and his father. She kept glancing over at Chuck who was engaged in conversation with an older woman she knew well. She willed him to make eye contact with her but she might as well have been invisible. Maybe it _was_ all over between them.

"Excuse me hun."

Blair rushed for the bathroom in time to cry into one of their expensive peach towels. Alcohol always made her emotional and she began formulating ways to make Cindy's life a misery. She started it all after all, well sort of. Public humiliation? Too petty. A vicious rumour? Intriguing. General bitch slap? That was appealing, she was getting good at them by now. She cried harder as she thought of the weeks ahead where she would barely see Chuck.

Get a hold of yourself you loser.

She dried her eyes which now had eyeliner smudged around them and massacre was dripping down her cheeks. She'd just blow her nose then run to her bedroom to wipe off the ruined make up and reapply more. Easy.

Almost.

"Hi."

Blair opened the bathroom door ready to sprint as fast as nine inch heels could carry her when she bumped into the last person she wanted to see.

"Chuck! What are you doing?"

"I was waiting to pee, should I have brought a hall pass?"

He smiled slightly at her appearance. She looked a wreck and was pouting in a way that was more endearing to Chuck than anything he had seen all night.

"Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't."

Chuck raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Fine I was but it wasn't about you."

The way she looked at him told him that wasn't a complete truth, sympathy and something indescribable rose inside of him.

"So I was thinking over dinner."

Blair crossed her arms.

"In between flirting with my mother's publicist?"

"What can I say I'm a multitasker. Anyway my thought was, if you wanted to continue doing what we were doing-"

"Fighting?"

"I'm a _lover_ not a fighter Waldorf."

Blair finally realised what he was saying although a little embarrassed it took her so long.

"Well that would be cool, I mean I'd like that if you still wanted to."

He was so determined to detatch from her, be a decent best friend and human being for once but he couldn't. He would degrade himself to a shameful level to keep her happy and with him. Sure it wasn't perfect but he could delude himself into believing one day she'd change and truly see him the way he already saw her.

"I wouldn't pass you up."

Blair blushed.

"You'd have to be a moron. If you want to you know sleep around I wont slap you again, I understand what you said earlier."

She hated the idea of him with other girls but she couldn't own him, he wouldn't be the Chuck she knew and lov- anyway she wouldn't want him as much if he wasn't himself.

"Thanks."

"Only if you even touch Cindy Yorke again my wrath will be so terrible you wont be of use to any woman ever again understand?"

Chuck laughed lightly and put an affectionate arm around her.

"You are so cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Whatever you say. Let's get you cleaned up and if we have time we can make up properly."

Blair grinned excitedly.

"Please have you seen how many courses there are? We have all the time in the world and can still probably be back for desert."

She had to love her mother's dinner parties, this one was definitely one she'd remember.


End file.
